It Was Hard To Accept I Was In Love With A Psychopath

by Nora
(Chicago, Il)

The only good thing about it is that it only took 4 months to recognize it. It is so hurtful to accept it but finally today I confronted him and I don't think he took it that well.

I met this 42 year old man few months ago, just like friends. When I met him he was in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship already, according to social media it seems that they were deeply in love. When I found out her relationship status I got away, I did not have any intention of being in the middle of any relationship.

6 months passed and he looked for me in Facebook. He had recently broken up with his girlfriend and according to his story, she cheated on him and he was still hurt.

After a few days we started dating, everything seemed perfect. A couple of weeks later he had already almost moved into my house, with his younger daughter from a previous marriage. He introduced me to his family. Everything happened so fast, but I was happy and I did not care.

But there were odd things in this relationship. He wasn't working, I tried to be understanding, even trying to help him look for a job, but he was not really looking. He also started lying, promising things he had no intention of doing. The first date we had, he went to my cell phone and posted in Facebook that I was in love with him on my wall, but nothing on his wall. That should have been a red flag, but I kept going. Other things I noticed were that he was still trying to have control over his ex-wife's life, such as appearing at her house unannounced, etc.

Often people that knew him from before would tell me to get away from him and that he was a loser, but I just thought he was in a very bad situation and I wanted to help him to get on with his life.

Christmas, Valentine's day and my birthday were completely ignored. No flowers, no gifts, not even an apology for not doing anything.

So many things were wrong, and I ignored it, until out of nowhere I find this article online about how to identify a Psychopaths… when I started reading my jaw dropped wide open. I printed the checklist and I highlighted every single item. I decided to wait and observe him for a while longer.

The next thing I knew he was going out with this 21 year old girl behind my back and also was texting and messaging different young girls at the same time. I confronted him but he denied it, even though I had all types of evidences. He used all kind of excuses and lies.

That's when I took the decision that I couldn't wait any longer. I kicked him out of the house, changed my phone number, blocked him in Facebook, but he still continued emailing me at work, as if nothing had happened, such as good morning my love, have a great day at work, I miss you etc..

Today, I sent a long letter to him with a lot of information about what I read, I told him he was a Psychopath and a list of things he does, I even told him the last month I was observing him, I told him to research on it. He replied with a WOW! Good luck to you too, but he went crazy in social media blaming me for everything, even calling me crazy.

This is just part of what I sent him today:

How to identify a Psychopath:

1. Look for glib and superficial charm

2. Look for a grandiose self-perception.

3. Watch for a constant need for stimulation

4. Determine if there is pathological lying

5. Evaluate the level of manipulation.

6. Look for any feelings of guilt. An absence of any guilt or remorse is a sign of psychopathy

7. Look for a lack of sympathy and compassion.

Number 8 shocked me...

8. Take a look at the person's lifestyle. Psychopaths are often parasitic, meaning they live off other people. They will use others to gain power and resources, and may enter their lives quickly and easily.

9. Observe the person's behavior. The Hare Checklist includes behavioral indicators such as the following: poor behavior control, sexual promiscuity, and early behavior problems.

10. Talk about goals. Psychopaths have unrealistic goals for the long term. Either there are no goals at all, or they are unattainable and based on the exaggerated sense of one's own accomplishments and abilities.


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Well spotted!
by: David

Good for you for catching this guy quickly.

You are right to avoid any contact with him because otherwise you will only end up in a power struggle with a psychopath and that will get ugly very quickly.

Confronting psychopaths is a tricky business because unless you know exaclty what you are doing it can cause problems. People often think they will feel better after confronting a psychopath but any satisfaction is often short lived because firstly the psychopath does not respond in a way in a way that a normal person responds, with at least some sense of acceptance or regret or an apology. Secondly, they never change, they just keep on doing the same thing. And thirdly, it does not compensate for the costs incurred in the relationship, financially, emotionally or mentally.

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