The following are examples of narcissistic abuse, in no particular order:
- you find yourself paying for everything because the narcissist always has some excuse, forgetting to bring money, having spent it on other things, not having been paid at work, waiting to collect a lot of money from someone who owes them. They may also have some heart-rending story about how they were ripped off by a family member and are still reeling from the shock.
- for no apparent reason, your partner is shouting abuse at you, and 2 minutes later they are acting as nothing strange has happened.
- somehow you get blamed for everything. Literally everything!
- If you realize that a person frequently says sorry but you know they don't mean it and they have no intention of changing their ways, you may be on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse.
- You complain to your partner about something they do and then there is an argument and they accuse you of doing the same thing and YOU feel bad about doing it.
-In fact, in most arguments, you end up feeling bad, guilty, upset, angry, frustrated while the narcissist seems to brush it all off. Or they may seem sullen and you feel they are planning stuff to further punish you.
- You find yourself defending this person to your family and friends but you also know they this person is unpleasant or even downright nasty to you.
- your relationship with them was amazing at the very start but there has been a drastic change.
- you spend a lot of time hoping and wishing things were the way they used to be. Or you put up with the horrible moments knowing that there will be great times again. This is reported by many people who are victims of narcissistic abuse.
- There used to be great days, but now the good times only last a few hours.
- The sex was amazing at the start too, but now it's very different. It seems to be all about them. No surprise there!
- There is little or no emotion in the sex. It is all about their physical pleasure. Their orgasm usually means it is all over. No kissing and cuddling after, no loving chat, in fact it is quite cold and emotionless.
- You realize they are having an affair, or typically, affairs. Yes, this seems to be quite common nowadays but is particularly common among those with malignant narcissism.
- sex with them is of a 'dominant' nature, with them dominating. This can take various forms. The sex positions can be very dominant. They decide when and where to have sex. You may have little say in it all. Even when they ask what you want, you generally end up doing what they wanted anyway. You end up feeling like an object being used for their pleasure.
- they buy lots of things for themselves but nothing for you
- narcissistic abuse causes people to lose their sense of humor
- you feel like you are being treated badly but when you think of leaving you feel a sense of obligation about staying, or you think you would be betraying your partner if you left.
-Lies, lies and more lies. And you put up with the lies, hoping the person will change. Or somehow you just have to find the way to treat them so they stop lying. In other words it's your responsibility. This is classic narcissistic abuse.
- your partner puts you down frequently, both when you are alone and when there is company.
- Your partner flirts openly with others in front of you, and if you complain, it's your problem.
- The narcissistic abuses you in front of the children, with little or no consideration for what they feel or think.
- There is exaggerated anger and abuse in response to the smallest criticism (narcissistic injury)
- One minute he has you by the neck up against the wall, the next he is stroking your cheek telling you he didn't mean it, he was just reacting to what you had said and it will never happen again. He is all sweetness and smiles and you are still shaking. These sudden swings in mood are clear warning signs of narcissistic abuse.
- you notice that you are spending more and more time at home and less and less time with your friends and family. You realize that your life now revolves around looking after your partner. And even if there are children, you spend much of your time making sure they do not upset your partner!
- a narcissist may have little or no interest in the children, acting as if they didn't exist. Or they may be the opposite, controlling and manipulating the children and subjecting them to narcissistic abuse too.
- compliments alternating with criticism and both of these things at random. The alternating of these 2 things along with the unexpectedness of them gives rise to dependency. A person with narcissist personality disorder will criticize your looks, your clothes, your manners, your habits, your weak points, your strong points, your friends, your family, your work, your hobbies, your body, your preferences, and especially your personality, who you are.
- constant fear of a person along with guilt is another sure sign of narcissistic abuse. You fear upsetting them and feel guilty when they are upset, even if you know it had nothing to do with you.
- if you are out of the relationship and you didn't like how you were treated at all, but you still have respect for the person, feel you still love them, you still buy them things, give them money, look after them in some way, then you were probably subjected to narcissistic abuse and it is still on-going...
- are you out of the relationship but you still fear the person?
- are you trying to get out of the relationship but the person keeps showing up, tugging at your heart strings and generally playing with your emotions, promising you the sun, moon and stars and really making a nuisance of themselves?
- Or worse, they let themselves into your house when you are not there, steal things or break stuff, do things so you know they have been in your place and you feel they are trying to push you over the edge.
- If you are suffering physical abuse, and you know it's wrong but you can't get it together to leave, chances are you are also suffering psychological and emotional trauma too. This is the nature of narcissistic abuse.
-your needs and desires come second, if at all! It seems everything you do and say is to keep the narcissist happy, and you sacrifice yourself to do that. You may even have gotten to the point where you believe that you were not meant to be happy in this life.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of examples of narcissistic abuse. If you think you may be dealing with a narcissist, you need to learn more about mind control, narcissism and preferably work with a professional. Read more about divorcing a narcissist. And never underestimate the damage and cruelty that a narcissist is capable of...
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