A Friendship in Grade School- Rekindled 41 Years Later Into Abuse
We where in the same class in 6th grade. We liked each other, played on the playground together. It was that simple and innocent. One day I walked into the classroom as he was flipping over a desk. We both stopped and our eyes connected. It was an intense stare that I interpreted as a connection, it was then I became hooked. Only later in life did I find out this was actually the well known "psychopathic stare" (yes, a child can show psychopathic tendencies, too).
We went our separate ways in life. I moved out of town while he stayed there for 41 more years. I entered an emotional and physically abusive relationship with an older man at age 13 and stayed until I was 19 years old. It was at that time I met my husband of 30 years. He helped me escape from my abusive situation and we married, raised two children together and had a solid marriage that we worked hard to cultivate. My husband is kind, caring, and a very balanced person. Yes, we had normal life and relationship struggles but managed to work through all life handed to us, good and bad. I have given the back story to show I knew what an abuser looks like as well as a normal, healthy person and still I fell prey.
So, after 39 years of no contact, I get a friend request on Facebook (I'm guessing through other mutual childhood friends since my last name was different). Of course I reply and we communicate innocently enough through social media and it is all very generic. My husband was well aware of our contact. He was in town one day and asked to meet for lunch, I agreed but strangely enough it was a weekend my husband would be out of town and not able to attend. We had a nice lunch and talked for hours. He had so many questions and interest in me (he was gathering information to mirror back to me). That should have been a red flag but it wasn't. I chalked it up as an old friendship.
During the lunch, he revealed how our lives had so much in common, it was so strange he would say. Many of my life experiences he had also gone through. Even when we had different experiences, he managed to flip them and make them seem similar. When we left each other that day, he said "Remember, whatever happens, we will always be friends." I remember thinking, "what does he mean 'whatever happens', what could possibly happen?"
Unfortunately, this time in my life was very stressful as we had recently lost our business and my job was becoming more and more dangerous to me physically. We did talk about that at the lunch also. I know he saw my weaknesses as being a good victim for him. After all, I had been abused in the past and was at a difficult place currently in my life.
Somehow he obtained my cell number and texts started coming. Once I replied (after all we where old friends) the texts became more and more frequent and also his work kept bringing him to town, strangely always when my husband was going out of town. The texts became more personal. This made both my husband and I uncomfortable and I asked him to stop and I stopped answering him. The texts then turned romantic in nature and my husband thought I was having an affair. I kept trying to tell my husband this wasn't the case and the psychopath was twisting things telling me my husband didn't love me or trust me and he was probably the one having an affair.
All this caused so much conflict in my marriage and the psychopath kept contacting me however he could and telling me he would always be there for me if I needed anything. My husband and I split for a while at this time and then the psychopath really moved in with the head games. He love bombed me hard, texting me several times daily and telling me how wonderful, beautiful and great I was. He wanted to have sex with me. I thought all this was real and I eventually agreed. Once that happened, things started changing.
He let on that he still lived with his ex wife and due to his financial situation and her alcohol dependence they even had to sleep in the same bed. But he assured me he did not love her and did not sleep with her. He spoke awful about her and said she was crazy. Oh my gosh, the red flags I brushed off in my weakness!
He started distancing himself from me saying he had responsibility and his family needed him. He started having odd sexual requests and would make himself available to me only after I would agree and do them. I was so confused at this time since he said he would always be there for me and that wasn't happening as he said, only in doses.
His sexual needs got more and more uncomfortable for me but if I didn't fulfill them he would disappear for days on end with excuses of having to meet family (and ex wife) obligations. I was being groomed. Do as he wanted and I would get his kindness and support. If I did not, then I was to receive his wrath. I would be told I was too needy, I was not really important to him, among other horrible words.
I finally caught on to the game and the mind games he used. I called him on this and told him I had to end it. His response was simply, "Ok, no big deal, there is no way for you to hurt me."
Wow! That was an understatement. He never said sorry or anything.
My husband and I went to therapy and have worked things out. We are stronger than ever now. I am hurt by the psychopath but have gotten over him and I have learned so much that I am sure will make me a stronger person.
The psychopath contacted me last week after a long period of no contact and told me I am beautiful and sexy and would I please do one thing for him. Can he seriously think I would let the games begin?
I will be changing my cell number, one I've had for 17 years.