Crossing paths with a psychopath
I had the misfortune to cross paths with a psychopath and his cult at the worst moment in my life. And at that time I had no idea what a psychopath was, when a sect was or how manipulation worked.
Even though it was a very low point in my life (and I realise now that made me very vulnerable), I wasn't looking for a group, or friendship, I'd simply signed up for a course several months previously to learn new 'communication skills'.
That was the first contact, and during the course a seed was planted and the indoctrination continued.
For a couple of years I was stuck in a sect without knowing it, not only working for the two psychopaths that ran it, but also living for them. My whole life revolved around their ideas, their way of working, their way of thinking, etc.
Within a very short time of meeting them I changed, without knowing it was occurring, my values, by way of thinking, of seeing and of understanding the world. My relationships with my long-time friends and my family changed. For me anyone who did not accept the ideas of the leader, and therefore what I was saying, was an ignoramus, somebody who didn't want to evolve, and therefore someone that I must not or didn't want to spend time with.
During that time used to say that I was very happy, I was always very busy doing courses all the time, and filling my time with things to do. I had frequent changes of moods and many emotional ups and downs (euphoria-sadness-Joy-melancholy…), and I began to not understand what was happening because it didn't make sense that I had done so much training and had practised so much and nevertheless I couldn't reach the objectives that the leader had given me.
That made me feel very tired, disappointed and unable to understand what was happening. However, I couldn't leave the group. Thinking about leaving made me feel really bad, as if I was betraying the leader and " after all they had done for me".
Eventually thanks to a really good friend who had a lot of patience, I was able to leave. It wasn't easy, for many months I had lots of internal struggles, and contradictory ideas and feelings were normal.
I attended therapy with an expert psychologist who helped me to understand how manipulation works, what are the techniques, I read about the topic and I was able to understand how I had been the victim of mind control. The journey of recuperation has been long and very hard at times, but I'm very happy to see where I am today and the journey I have taken.
If I had to describe my emotions after leaving the cult, I would say that at the start that I believed that this person had helped me a lot and I couldn't imagine that there was any evil inside him, in fact I felt guilty for having thought bad of him, until I began to discover his lies while investigating his own education and his past. In that moment I started to feel a lot of anger and pain for all that he had done to me, for how he treated me, the time and the energy that he had robbed from me.
Now I have healed the wounds, I understand what I've lived and I feel calm and peaceful. And above all, I understand that I was not to blame for what happened to me. I had the bad luck to cross paths with a psychopath in the worst moment of my life…
I find the information in this website very useful, thanks for the opportunity to write my story. I hope it is useful for others.