Part 1 of how to spot a psychopath here (How to recognize a psychopath in intimate relationships and at work).
Psychopaths make friends very quickly, or at least fool people into thinking they are friends, because they know that people trust friends and pay attention to what they say. However, the relationship with a psychopath is anything but a normal friendship.
It is very often a pull-push relationship, or on-off. They make you feel special but then end up pulling away from you. This process keeps cycling and it makes you feel very unsure of yourself. They tend to be high maintenance, demanding your time, attention and respect but actually giving very little in return.
In fact, when they do give you something, do they expect you to be grateful forever?
Do they complain a lot about other people to you? Do you also worry what they say about you to others?
Do they tell you lies? Do they tell lies about you to others?
Do they prefer to talk about themselves most of the time?
Perhaps they ask how you are but don't even listen to the answer…
Do you end up doing what they want all the time? Do they make all the decisions about where to go, who to spend time with, and so on?
Do they dominate the group of friends?
Does everyone do what this person says because they are afraid of how he or she will react?
Do you find that you cannot say no to this person?
Do they make you feel bad more often than feeling good?
Are their time, interests, work, ideas etc more important than yours?
Do your family criticize this person but you end up defending them or even arguing with your family about it? This is a very significant factor to pay attention to if you want to know how to spot a psychopath. Because of the nature of mind control it is often very difficult for the victim to recognize the importance of this occurrence.
Do you find that you put your needs and wants to one side to satisfy theirs first?
Do you even have your needs met in the relationship?
Do you feel a strong sense of obligation to this person, even though you recognize that they don't treat you very well?
Do you ever feel that they are deliberately stopping you from doing things or keeping you away from the things you like or are good at?
Does this person break the law frequently? Stealing, destroying property, doing drugs… And are they getting you involved in such activities?
Are they very image conscious in that you see them act one way in front of people but you know that the real person is different? For example, you see them acting as if they are intelligent, friendly, caring and helpful, but you know that to you and close friends they are aggressive and demanding…
Do you end up being blamed for everything?
If you call them out on anything, do you end up feeling bad about it or that it was your fault?
Have they a nasty temper?
Do they act superior to everyone else?
Do they talk over you a lot?
Do they change their minds a lot when it suits them?
Do they never apologize, or when they do they don't actually mean it?
Do they ask you odd questions about your emotions, or what you are thinking, or what you would do in hypothetical situations?
Do they often give you the cold shoulder to get you to do what they want?
Do they expect you to always be available for them but they have no sense of obligation to be there for you when you need a friend? In fact, they typically have excuses for why they could not help you…
If you suspect that a friend is a psychopath, it's worth learning more about mind control and the characteristics of a psychopath in order to make a decision about whether you want to be in the relationship or not.
Cults are much more sophisticated nowadays than the orange robes and shaved heads of old. There are cults organized around politics, martial arts, hair dressing, dental clinics, therapies of various types, personal development, yoga, sports, UFOs and most other interests that you can think of.
Remember that a cult has an external facade that is used to attract people and the real agenda, which is twofold, attract new members and take their money. So how do you recognize a psychopath that is leading such a group.
The first thing is that the leader is the judge and jury, the referee, the decision maker. He or she decides what happens and answers to no-one. Even if the leader is a member of a professional body or organization, close inspection will reveal that the organizations rules are not being followed and the leader is making things up as he goes along. And he sells it that his way is unique and better than anything else. In fact, everyone else is doing it wrong or doing it badly. His is the best way.
Initially when one joins a group, it all seems fantastic, everyone is happy, elated and full of joy. But as time passes, the member realizes things are not as they seemed and there are things that are not quite right.
The psychopathic cult leader, far from being perfect, does actually have a bad temper, shouts at members, has to have everything his way, and justifies all this harsh behavior as being for the good of the members.
Have you noticed that other members are unable to talk bad about the leader? In fact, everyone wants to be like the leader because his or her life seems perfect…
The leader does not share much information with others. No-one really knows what's going on in the group except the leader.
The leader controls the finances and no-on else knows how the money is used.
The leader leads an opulent life style, while many of the members struggle.
No one is allowed to challenge the leader.
There is one set of rules for the leader, another set for the members.
The leader can change the rules any time, and has an excuse for doing so. But the members have to strictly follow the rules.
The leader is always right.
People join the group because of what the group claims to offer, but very quickly the leader becomes the object of worship.
The leader is typically very good with words. They have answers for everything and they have developed 'logical' arguments against whatever their critics throw at them.
The leader is self centered, egotistic, supremely confident and has a huge sense of entitlement but will portray himself as caring, often humble, self sacrificing for the sake of the greater good and interested in the welfare of others.
For the leader the end always justifies the means. This allows them to do whatever they please because the end result (supposedly helping others) is worth it.
Sexual promiscuity and infidelity is very common among cult leaders. This is sold to the members as being necessary for their spiritual growth, evidence that they are free in their lives, or that they are helping the leader to move to higher levels and a whole variety of excuses. It is, however, sexual abuse of the members because of the power imbalance in the relationship.
The psychopathic cult leader will also take advantage of individuals skills and talents. One person organizes the leader's web site, another does his business cards, another is used to taxi him or her around the place, and so on.
If you think you may be in a cult, it pays to learn how to spot a psychopath so that you can take the necessary steps to get yourself out of the destructive group so that you can begin to make your own decisions again.
Do you feel you are dealing with a 4 year old in an adults body?
Do they want instant gratification?
Do they take stupid risks?
Do they not consider potential negative consequences before acting?
Do they make the same stupid mistakes over and over again, as if they never learn from the past? This is typical of the psychopath, and it's not that they don't learn, rather they just don't care about the consequences. It's all about instant gratification for them.
Do they have big plans about the future but seem never to put them into action?
Or they have fingers in many pies and are trying to make money here there and everywhere.
Do you feel that if you just love them enough or give them enough attention or just change yourself a bit more, then they will change? This is a big one! These people never change and they are just using your good nature against you. Learn how to spot a psychopath, give up trying to change them and, instead, change your approach to the person. It is the only thing that is going to help you!!
If you realize that you are in a relationship with a psychopath, the chances are that you are also realizing that you are being taken advantage of, emotionally, financially, mentally, physically and even sexually.
Unfortunately these people never change and your relationship is not going to improve. At best they will continue to take advantage of you and at worst the relationship deteriorates over time. Either way, you lose.
The only way to recover fully from such a situation is to learn about mind control and psychopaths in order to understand how you were taken advantage of. Understanding mind control allows you to make sense of the relationship and what has been happening to you.
It also means that when you know how to spot a psychopath, you are not caught again by the next psychopath who crosses your path.
You can learn what to do if you are in a relationship with a psychopath, important considerations when healing from emotional abuse or you can read the first part of this article about how to spot a psychopath in intimate relationships and at work here...
Would you like to talk to someone about your situation?
If you think you are or have been in a cult or a destructive relationship, or a friend or family member might be in a cult and you want to talk to someone, send me a message on the Contact page and we can arrange to talk. All communication will be treated in the strictest confidence.
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