My Mother the Sociopath
For years I wondered what was wrong with my Mother. As a little girl I thought, "Why can't she love me?"
My parents also exposed us to a cult.
What was strange about my Mother was that although she was physically beautiful, she could turn on me like a wild animal. I never knew where or when it would happen. Her big brown eyes were suddenly filled with hatred, wildly grabbing my hair, swinging me, slapping, screaming all at the same time. She saw no need to apologize. She did not seem to need conversation, talking, holding. If she could not get a cry of pain the first time, she became more abusive.
Throughout the years she would exhibit an almost childlike victim routine if confronted about her behavior. What was really sick was no matter how bad the pain she inflicted, she felt NO remorse. Even as as we became adults and tried to say, "You hurt me." she would get meaner. Using the same techniques, shaming, laughing at us, outright LYING. ANYTHING but saying I'm sorry.
When I became a Mother myself, that's when I KNEW there was something wrong with her. Her anger permeated our home.
My father was not an alcoholic or a drunk. He began touching my brother and myself sexually while we slept. My father and mother ~ a pastor and wife. Yep… that's right. We got to see them teach, sing and minister to others.
Why do I write this now? I am 59years old. It still hurts!
My Mom had NO feelings when we cried out in pain, NO feelings of sorrow or remorse... even now. She just turned 80 years old. Still cutting at us with words. Cold as ice, and still believing she and my dad were specially chosen by God to minister. Hundreds of people heard their beautiful music. I was envied by my friends.
She could not LOVE. Sick sociopath. Dad, sick molester. Pastor.
I am well now... free. But it took a lifetime.