My sick aunt

by Sick and Tired
(New York)

My Aunt has caused every single drama in our family unit. Very recently, a member of the family called me up to tell me he had heard what I had said to her a few years ago and he threatened to physically assault me if he sees me again. I asked what was said and he ranted over me. I have never heard anyone so angry in my life. He was snarling. It was terrifying.

My crime? I stood up to my Aunt who has done everything she can over the years to destroy my life, from spreading malicious rumors to telling newcomers to the family that they must have nothing to do with me because I'm violent and don't work, both of which are untrue. Yet people believe her. She is an empty kind of person. She rarely speaks and when she does it's only to badmouth something or spew venomous hatred at others yet she is adored by her children and grandchildren, they can see no wrong in her at all. She picks people up and drops them at will yet even those who know who she is and have seen through her shell won't have a word said against her.

The incident in question where I finally stood my ground has been brought up and twisted several times since that day. She is very clever because she only tells small sections of the family and then swears them to secrecy so each time she tells others, it's like another bomb has fallen because I know they will listen to how she's twisted the narrative and I will come under attack again. Why did she choose this time to tell another family member? Simple. One of my parents had the courage to stand up to her and let her know in no uncertain terms that they wouldn't be bullied by her into doing something they didn't want to do.

This resulted in the by now obvious waterworks, crocodile tears as she elicited more sympathy and attention from those around her while also spilling out the lies I am supposed to have said to her. This way she ensured that both myself and my parent bore the brunt of the ire of her minions who think she is wonderful. I hate the fact I have no right of reply because they cannot accept she is anything less than perfect. They believe everything she tells them. I personally would question the timing and ask why she had felt the need to not mention this supposed incident before if it was so traumatizing for her but they don't. They never do.

She's an extremely clever person and although she can hardly string a coherent sentence together when people speak to her, preferring to only speak about superficial subjects she has an immense talent for knowing every single move ahead. She owns every move. Whatever course of action occurs, she is there right at the heart of the action ensuring that she comes off as the victim while the genuine victim comes off as the bully and abuser. I have watched her suddenly become unwell and watch as everyone drops everything to rally around her only for her to be laughing and smiling just a few minutes later. She has to be the center of attention and she is a drama queen. I dread answering the telephone now because I don't know what is going to happen. She thrives on adrenaline and creating mayhem and havoc yet to everyone else she is calm and considered.

I must make mention of her smirks though. She has this very evil stare which she will fix on you and when she gets the reaction she wants having turned everyone against you there will be this hateful smirk. She is completely open about it. It's not a micro-expression, here one moment and gone the next, no it's a completely overt smirk but because everyone thinks she's amazing and totally incapable of malice it's not even seen. She is able to live completely out in the open, her evil machinations on display yet at the same time lives totally under the radar of those in her orbit except of course those whose lives have been destroyed by her and those are the people who have either stood their ground or seen through her.

Both myself and my parent are ensuring we have NO CONTACT from this point on but I'm not convinced even this will work. I have not spoken to anyone in my family since the supposed incident while my parent still speaks to one member of the family she believes is on her side and yet still we are living through the nightmare. What my parent is unable to see is that the person she is still in contact with actively feeds information back to my Aunt where it's twisted and made into something else. She cannot see that this person is part of the problem. I have lost count of the amount of times I've heard my parent cry due to what's been said about them and then seen them scratching their head wondering who could have said something.

All around my Aunt are people who are only happy to do her bidding and in my opinion, they are as evil as she is. In the past before I stood my ground and became an outcast from the family, I would chat openly to this person or another sibling because I felt they were on my side. I found out later that everything I had said was going straight to my Aunt and turned into something else. All Hell would break loose and I would turn to the very people for support and guidance that had helped to create the misery in the first place. Unless my parent can see through this and go NO CONTACT with everyone in the family, I'm afraid there will be more of this hatred to come.

Comments for My sick aunt

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Treat this as a cult
by: David


It would be useful for your parent to understand something about cults because your aunt has set things up just like a cult.

Even an intimate relationship with a psychopath functions the same way as a cult, but it's a cult with only 2 people instead of 50 or 100.

And no contact is definitely the way to go here, although in a cult, it often means no contact with anybody who has been manipulated by the leader.

This is my mother
by: Anonymous

This is my mother. She is a covert narcissist. I only found out recently and im 50. talk about a shock and yes I feel like I grew up in a cult. She is very evil. I have gone no contact and will remain no contact. She disgusts me. She has spread rumors about many people in the family. She vilifies and pits people against another. my dad was just a supply for her. she used him up, forced him into his grave (i believe killed him) and then is spending all his money. Its sick. You must remain NO CONTACT. Imperative.

I Could Have Written the Comment Above Mine by Anonymous
by: Anonymous2

My mother started this behavior toward/against me when I was a child. At the time I knew part of the truth - that my younger brother was SO badly behaved she had to tear me down in order to lift him up. To acknowledge he was vile was just unacceptable to her so she would do anything to make him look better. But we believe our parents so I didn't understand how insidious her actions were until I became an adult and could SEE the contradiction and lies for myself. Knowing a truth 100% then watching her lie to my face. Then going back to memories and realizing just how long it had been going on. How she took every opportunity to ruin something good for me when she found a way to have an impact on it. I'm now physically disabled and have been financially dependent for a while (have to live in the house in which I grew up) and she has used this dependence to create hell on earth for me. Covert Narcissist, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sociopath, oh yeah, let's not forget Alcoholic because that's when the most unpredictable venom is spewed. I'm not a religious person at all (how can god allow this) but seriously, pray for me. Any good energy sent into the universe on my behalf can only be helpful! Good luck to you!

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