poison control

I met Him in high school. I remember feeling how different His energy was when He walked into the classroom. It was very strong.

He had come from nowhere. He was in all of my classes but He wasn't actually supposed to be there. I don't know why but teachers let Him come and go as He pleased.

He was not normal. He never did anything to me or even talked to me so I'm not sure that He was controlling me to begin with, I was just... attracted to His energy.

A few years after high school we started dating. He seemed to come from nowhere again. He still had that strange energy. Then He did the typical romance thing that psychopaths do, which I became familiar with after He discarded me.

He devastated me. I tried to kill myself and almost succeeded.

A few months went by, and I was healing. He came back into my life and left me devastated again.

The same thing happened again a few months later.

Then it happened again recently. I've just been let go of. I don't believe he discarded me anymore, because this time He let me talk about how He was a psychopath, and He told me more about what He does and how He does it. When He tells me not to talk I don't talk. He told me that He was training me to be like Him. He stopped giving me affection a few days ago and I've been devastated and suicidal but I think I'm recovering.

And here's the weird thing.

After reading this website I think I might be brainwashed. But... I don't think that, either. I think He's helping me. I know he doesn't have my best interests at heart and only cares for himself. But. I feel more free.

I don't feel like who I was before. I might be a pseudo personality. But I'm Ok with it.

I think that my mind is being controlled but that I have become Ok with it. I don't know what He will do with me next or if He'll leave me alone. I'm scared, I think. I don't know. The only thing that bothers me is the way He drains me repeatedly and breaks down my mind over and over. But at the same time I find comfort in the way He keeps coming back.

I don't know.