TOXIC REACTION TO BREAKUP
Initially we were hooking up for casual sex.
She was older, by a decade.
Married, but separated and lived on her own.
Kids. Three. 19, 13, and 12 when we met in 2014.
The eldest lived with her.
We would hookup on weekends for sex but be texting often.
I was actually new to having a cell phone and was unaware or unconcerned with heavy frequency of contact.
She'd text me first thing in the morning and was the last text before I'd go to bed.
There were some initial red flags. Looking back I see them as basic tactics to test my boundaries and for her to analyze what worked and didn't on me.
She asked me to appear via FaceTime in front of her oldest son , who she described as an annoyance. She said she got it that it was weird and understood that it was off-putting. But he simply demanded to see whom she was "spending all this time with."
I declined. Told her I wasn't obligated. I asked questions. She pursued the boundary. I caved in.
Within a week the weird shit started.
One day while in the bathroom I returned to my room where she and I had been laying to see her standing and accusing me angrily of talking to other women on my phone.
"You were acting shady so I looked through your phone and who is ..."
I decided this would be a good time to discuss privacy and other expectations even if it was this early in the relationship. Instead I basically defended myself but remained honest. At times it was nice to seek the fantasy connection of women online. We were at this point not even exclusive. She was just sort of there.
Then was the triangulation. I had posted a Facebook photo of a cup of coffee on her desk at work with the caption "lunch at my favorite nurse's office".
A couple of days later she showed me how her husband had copied the post and tagged her kids with his quote along the lines of "see what your mom is really up to?"
I admit, I was weak and more willing to believe he was the odd one by attempting to shame or guilt her for having friends or boyfriends of any sort.
She didn't even say much... just showed me the post.
I wouldn't start asking the serious questions for a matter of months down the road.
We went on trips. I met her mother.
I was experiencing life and she was a nurse and I just associated her with a more "healthy" social lifestyle.
This was a mistake.
More months. Devalue was subtle. Less communication. More comparing me to previous undesirables. Subtle.
It. Got. Worse.
She kicked her kid and his girlfriend (and their infant child) out who were living with her. When I asked why she explained to me it was because of the sons girlfriends mouth and attitude. She had had enough.
When the son asked her why she and their kid had been kicked out she explained it was because of the girlfriends comment about ME. Something along the lines of "She doesn't need to talk about him (me) that way. "
I only knew that because of the text messages the two sent back and forth. The son was upset and kept asking her why she would put her and their child on the street over a joke and asked her if she was serious. He seemed in disbelief.
I recall feeling a pang of discomfort and my gut feeling again rising up. I didn't mind at all having people talk or joke about me. I sort of pride myself on not being reliant on others opinions for my self worth.
Regardless. I didn't see the move for the clear play it was.
It was a perfect way to triangulate the son and his family against me. It allowed them to fundamentally dislike me due to a very real effect caused by my place in her life.
It made me a problem and also using the girlfriends light-hearted joking about me as her crazy reaction point I feel also implied that there were some control issues or even abusive traits that I had that perhaps caused her to over react.
I must say she was rather brilliant in that regard.
She didn't do any actual accusing or direct lying to create conflict. She used natural reactions and implication.
Soon she'd imply she was unsafe at her home. There was a "break-in" situation and her "friend" brought a security system over. There was again no direct assertion on who the threat was but... the husband was implied. She'd ask for me to stay a few nights until things calmed down even though we had already been spending most nights together.
So I moved in.
Then things got worse. Worse worse.
I will continue this in part 2.
Uploaded is a picture of a letter she wrote after the first time I attempted to break up with her.
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