If you are asking yourself , "Am I dating a sociopath?" then you need to be crystal clear about the answer.
Here are some questions to ask yourself in order to better clear up any doubts you may have.
A word of warning before we start. It is often much easier for outsiders to see a bad relationship than for the victim in the relationship to recognize what is going on. If you are genuinely concerned about your partner, ask a trusted friend to go through the questions with you. They may see things that you cannot. This is not a criticism of you in any way, it's simply the nature of manipulation that the target of the manipulation often does not understand how bad things are.
With this in mind, I have included a few questions to help you see the effect of dating a sociopath on the rest of your life, too.
Is the relationship moving very fast? Did your friends tell you that it was moving fast?
Did you feel that you had met your soul mate within hours or days of meeting this new person?
Does your partner seem too good to be true?
Have you noticed anything that seems to be 'off'? Odd things being said, behavior that catches your attention, for example. But you let it ride, after all, the rest of the relationship is great.
Can your partner make you feel fantastic but can also make you feel terrible?
Does your partner make comments about you or your clothes or your activities that makes you feel that you want to change these things in order to please your partner so that the good times continue?
Does you partner exude confidence in a way that you wish you could?
Has your partner done anything that might be considered cold or cruel?
Do they express appropriate emotions at appropriate times?
Has your partner lied to you? Multiple times?
Does what your partner say and do line up? This is a tricky one! If they commit to something, will they do it or do they come up with excuses why they couldn't do it? Do they keep their word? Or do they change their mind a lot?
Does your partner want all of your attention for themselves? For example, are they frequently texting you so they keep you busy for hours? Do they keep you talking on the phone for hours? Are they ok when you are away with others? Or are they frequently in contact at these times?
Do you tell them everything? Even stuff you haven't told any one else before? Is this because you feel that this person 'gets you' like no one else? Or do they ask you lots and lots of questions about yourself?
How much do you really know about them? About their past? Much less than they know about you?
Have they many true friends of their own? Or do they just have 'people they know'?
Do they criticize others a lot? Do they hate being criticized themselves?
Is your partner always right?
Are you always wrong?
Have you changed your behavior, your ideas, your clothes, your diet, etc. since you started in the relationship? Of course, there is compromise in any relationship. But has your partner changed as many things about themselves as you have in order to please you?
Have you learnt anything about your partner since the relationship started that, had you known beforehand, would have made you think twice about starting a relationship?
Are you afraid of your partner?
Do you check mentally before doing anything if your partner would be happy with what you are about to do? If you imagine that they would be upset, do you not do it?
Do you spend a lot of your time thinking about your partner and what you can do to make sure they are ok? This is not the same as thinking of nice things to do that will be pleasing for them. This is more along the lines of them being the center of your universe and everything revolves around their being comfortable. You have to satisfy their needs, even if it is detrimental to you.
Do you ever feel that you have lost yourself in the relationship? Or that you don't know who you are any more?
Have your friends or family members said that they don't recognize you any longer?
Have they warned you about this person? And did you brush them off, saying that they don't know your partner the way you do, and if they got to know them better they would think differently?
Does your partner say hurtful things and when you get upset they claim that they were only joking? Or that you are too sensitive?
Do you sometimes think your partner is very insensitive? Do you ever wonder how someone who cares about you could do the things your partner does?
Does your partner make you you feel bad about who you are for things you say and do? For example, instead of saying that what you did was ridiculous, they say you are ridiculous for having done that thing, or rather than saying that your idea is pathetic, they claim that you are pathetic for having such an idea.
If many of the above things are happening in your relationship, then you really need to do something about it. These things are not normal or healthy. They occur in abusive relationships. They occur where there is a power imbalance in the relationship and this power imbalance has been deliberately put in place by the manipulator. It is all done to control and dominate.
That's why it's important to know if you are with a sociopath or not. If you are, they are not going to change. It's up to you to put a stop to the control and the abuse.
What you need is information. Information about sociopaths. Information about mind control. Information about influence techniques. Information about how specifically these things were used against you.
Professional help will speed things up for you!
You can read more about the profile of a sociopath, do sociopaths know what they are doing, what an abusive relationship is, signs of emotional abuse, more warning signs of abusive relationships, how to leave a controlling relationship and getting over an abusive relationship.
Would you like to talk to someone about your situation?
If you think you are or have been in a cult or a destructive relationship, or a friend or family member might be in a cult and you want to talk to someone, send me a message on the Contact page and we can arrange to talk. All communication will be treated in the strictest confidence.
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