If you have the theory but don't have the 'how to',
this book is for you!
So you get that you are in a bad relationship (or a cult). As soon as you realized you were dealing with a psychopath or narcissist you went looking for information. You searched the internet for information, you have probably read a couple of books; you have watched several videos and you are talking with friends to try and make sense of what is going on.
Are you at the stage where you feel like you have plenty of information now? You can see that the relationship is abusive. You know what it's like to be on the receiving end of it. You recognize how your story is similar to the stories of many others.
You may have been at this for months or even years. Many have been to therapy or counseling as well and while the therapist or counselor may have been supportive, it seems that they just don't fully grasp your situation and there is little or no solid practical advice for you.
And despite all this, you still have questions about how specifically to manage your situation...
Each tip is organized around a particular aspect of the relationship, whether the relationship is an intimate relationship or a cult. In order to be able to change things, it helps enormously to understand something about the motivations of the manipulators, the dynamics of the situation, and the effects of the techniques being used against you.
To this end, I give information about your situation, why the manipulators do things the way they do, their attitudes, what effect it has on you, how specifically they are manipulating normal human relationship patterns and so on. Understanding these things means that you can begin to see the patterns of abuse and how the manipulator is taking advantage.
Understanding the background makes it's easier for you to understand why the manipulators treat you the way they do. It also gives you a new framework for making sense of what is actually happening. Armed with this information, the things that you need to do, (or stop doing!) will be more obvious as well as easier to do because you understand why you are doing them.
Although I am offering tips for dealing with psychopaths and narcissists, I do not suggest that you use these tips as a way to 'manage' a manipulator.
Nor do I suggest that you use them as a way to cope so that you can stay in the relationship.
I work on the basis that, with very few exceptions, a person in a relationship with a manipulator loses. The abuse, bad treatment and humiliation that one suffers at the hands of psychopaths and narcissists is not worth whatever benefits that may be considered to be present. In other words, whatever benefit you think may be there for you, comes at an excessively high price.
Leaving the relationship should be priority number one. You cannot hope to fully recover from the damage while you are still in the relationship. And once you are out, you need to stay out. This is often very difficult because of the dependency of the pseudopersonality on the manipulator.
There may be other complicating factors, too, such as a divorce or the presence of children. However, there are ways to minimize the opportunities for the psychopath or narcissist to continue the manipulation and abuse and some of these are covered in the book.Leaving a relationship with psychopaths and narcissists is the best thing you can do. I think that trying to manage them is a huge waste of your time and effort, and indeed, your life. They are much more devious and cruel than you could ever be and they have no motivation to change.
I'm David Mc Dermott and my desire to help others led me to qualify in medicine and I worked as a surgeon for several years.
I was caught by a manipulative woman in a destructive relationship and when she left I was left with no money, no house and a very disillusioned view of society because of the lack of legal or any other type of support available to people in my situation. Of course, I blamed myself, trying to figure out what I had done wrong.
Very shortly after, I was recruited into a personal development cult where they offered me a way out of the pain and suffering I was experiencing because of the failure of the marriage. I realize now that my caring nature was also used to entrap me.
I became the number 2 in the group, working closely with the leader in giving courses, mentoring others and basically recruiting new members.
After 10 years, I managed to leave. I had had enough of the lies, the money grabbing, and the very poor treatment at the hands of the leader. I realized that my own wants had been put to one side in favor of the group's idea of changing the world... which wasn't happening either!
Only after I left did I realize that I had been 'brainwashed' in a cult... and I began the process of undoing the mind control...
These tips are best used as you are working your way out of the relationship and they will often help you understand and make sense of what has been happening to you. That's why I provide information about how and why the manipulation techniques work.
I believe that the more you understand about the nature of mind control, the better. Once you understand what is going on, the easier it is for you to make the decision to get away, and stay away, from these types of people.
It’s very important to understand the dynamics of the various situations in relationships with these types. Much of the time, the unfortunate victim does not realize what is being done to them and they are unaware of the profound influence that the manipulator is exerting on them.
Having this knowledge is important for several reasons. It reduces the power the manipulator has when you can recognize the influence technique being used against you; then you have more options about how to respond.
It also explains why the change in behavior suggested is actually useful, how it fits into the overall scheme of things. And knowing why you need to act differently makes it easier to change what you have been doing. You are not just doing something because someone tells you to (You have done enough of that already!) but rather you are deliberately creating a way out of the messy situation you have been dragged into.
The tips are not in any specific order. I decided to do this even though some of the ideas are related because this way you get regular reminders of some ideas. And as we shall see, repetition is important.
Some of the tips are suggestions for how to act in certain situations; some tips are about how a change in thinking or a change in belief is necessary and some are organized around things that it is useful for you to stop doing. Either way, these tips have been useful for many others already and you will be able to put them into action straight away, too.
Here are a couple of tips for you so that you know what kind of things are inside...
Psychopaths and narcissists have a way of pressuring those around them into doing things quickly.
They expect you to answer your phone each and every time they ring. If you haven' t answered an email in 2 hours, there is a second one pushing you to respond. In divorce proceedings, they frequently threaten court action if you don't respond to their solicitors’ letters within 48 hours.
Meals have to be on time. When they want an errand done, it has to be now.
If they are kept waiting, you are the one who is selfish. Their work is more important than yours. Their time is more valuable than yours.
There are different strategies the psychopaths and narcissists use to achieve this result.
In cults, the leader is so revered that the members typically automatically jump when they know the leader wants something. The cult leader will have spent much time putting himself on a pedestal in the members’ heads. Any cult member wants to have the approval of the leader and doing 'little jobs', and doing them quickly, is a way of ingratiating themselves with the leader.
However, there is also fear in play here, although the cult member would not admit it (oftentimes because they are not aware of it until after they leave the group). The cult member wants to avoid upsetting the leader in any way and the leader will have made it known on many occasions that he should not be kept waiting.
In intimate relationships, too, psychopaths and narcissists will express their displeasure early on in the relationship about being kept waiting. Remember they consider themselves superior to others and expect to have special treatment. Part of that special treatment is not having to delay gratification, which they don't do well.
Some psychopaths and narcissists also know that by getting people to do things quickly for them, the person has less time to reflect on and consider their situation.
A person who is constantly under time pressure, with the threat of being shouted at if they miss deadlines, has no spare time to sit and think if they themselves are benefitting from the situation, if they want to continue as they are or even whether they would be better off out of the relationship. For this reason the psychopaths and narcissists often keep people very busy (both in intimate relationships and in cults).
So what to do about it…?
The first thing is to recognize that it is occurring, that you are actually running around at the beck and call of the manipulator.
Then it's useful to see how they get you to do that. Is it fear of punishment? Fear that you will lose something? Seeking their approval? Because once you can see the tactic, it's easier not to get caught by it.
The next time it happens, being aware of the tactic gives you more options in how to respond. (Loosening the hold the manipulator has on you may be necessary in order to stop doing some behaviors completely.)
And at the same time, you need to be working on getting out of the relationship.
Most sources will suggest that you go no contact with psychopaths and narcissists as a way to protect yourself and to give you the opportunity to recover from the damage that they have done.
However, there are some situations where this is just not possible, for example, during a divorce, or where there are children involved and you have to communicate at times.
Remember that the manipulators are happy to have a go at you through whatever channels they can, and email is no exception.
Reading their emails can be traumatic, especially if you have only recently separated and you have not recovered from the harm done to you.
One option that is available to you is to only read their emails twice a week. You can even set up a filter in your email system so that they go directly into a special folder and they are not sitting in your inbox all the time. It also means that you don't click on them by accident.
Reading their emails only twice a week has several advantages for you. You know precisely when you are going to check if there are any emails from the manipulator and you can prepare yourself in whatever way you need to. (You can set aside time afterwards, knowing that you may be upset by the abusive nature of what they write, or you have time with a friend or family member who reads the email first, and so on.)
The rest of the week you know that you are not going to be distracted by their emails and you can plan things and actually get stuff done.
Twice weekly readings also mean that you are not constantly running around after psychopaths and narcissists, which is a frequently used tactic of theirs. They will often try and keep you busy, even answering emails, so that you don't have time to settle down and think!
Keep in mind that you are not obliged to read emails immediately. There is no law saying that you have to read and respond to emails…
Psychopaths and narcissists will make you feel that this is the case, but this is only one of the ways that they use fear against you. They may complain that they have not had a response and may send a flurry of emails as follow up. But there is still no law saying that you have to reply to emails immediately. Rushing you for a response is just another way to stop you from having time to think and assess your situation properly before responding.
And then you can choose if you tell them what you are doing or not. For some people it works to tell the psychopaths and narcissists that they will only be reading their emails on, for example, Monday and Thursday. This may help to stem the flow of abuse because the manipulator knows their emails are not being read straight away. Others prefer not to say anything and let the manipulator wait for a reply. The important thing here is that you get to choose!
Basically, the less frequent the contacts you have with a manipulator the better because it reduces the frequency with which they can insult, criticize and humiliate.
The good news is that it costs only €9.79. This money will save you time, effort, money, and will help you avoid a lot of heartache and suffering.
There is a 30 day money back guarantee with the 54 Practical Tips For Dealing With Psychopaths and Narcissists. If you find the information is not suitable, send me a note on the contact page and I will happily refund your money. That means you won't have to fight to get a refund!
The 54 Practical Tips For Dealing With Psychopaths and Narcissists comes as a .pdf file which you can read on any computer, whether it's a PC or a Mac. (It is not a paper book.) Of course, if your ebook reader reads other formats, you can simply use your favorite program to change the .pdf into the required format.
You can download the ebook immediately after paying through Paypal, and you can use Paypal even if you don't have an account. Here's how:
The Mind Control Manual sells for €9.49.
This covers important ideas and concepts about mind control, cults, abusive relationships and psychopaths. It provides a clear, overall picture of mind control environments ...
You can read more about it here...
Combined, the price would be €19.28...
You can buy both the Mind Control Manual and 54 Practical Tips For Dealing With Psychopaths and Narcissists for €15.42, a saving of 20%!