If you are looking for an 'is my boyfriend controlling test', then chances are that there is something amiss in your relationship.
I suggest that you go through this list of questions with someone who also knows your boyfriend. Because of the nature of controlling relationships there may be things that you cannot recognize but an outsider might.
And, of course, if you are worried about your girlfriend, this test will work for you, too
This 'is my boyfriend controlling test' is a series of questions with yes or no answers. The higher the number of yes answers, the more serious your situation... More than 10 yes answers is cause for grave concern.
Was your relationship fantastic at the start but now it feels very different?
Do you feel like you are with a different person than the one you fell for initially?
Does your boyfriend have to be right all the time?
Does he know how to make you feel really bad with a look, a tone of voice or a cutting remark?
Does he do it often?
Does he also know how to make you feel fantastic?
Has the frequency of these nice times gone right down?
Does he break his promises?
Does he usually have reasons for this that you are expected to accept?
Does he make you feel horrible if you don't keep your word or if you change your mind?
Is it true that he rarely apologizes?
Are you expected to apologize for any little thing?
Does he have one set of rules for you and another for himself?
Does he make all the rules and change them whenever it suits him?
Do you have to answer his messages and texts immediately?
Does he answer your messages and texts when it suits him?
Does he insist on knowing all about your finances?
Does he keep you in the dark about his?
Do you have to tell him everything about your day, what you did, where you went, who you were with, what was said?
Does he give you very little information about his?
Are there subjects that you are not allowed to talk about with him?
Have you caught him out in lies?
Have you suspected him of lying or keeping information from you?
Do you often feel that you are not good enough?
Do you feel that if you could just change or adapt in a particular way then everything would be so much better?
Have you noticed that you are spending less and less time with your friends and family?
Are you expected to run everything by him before making decisions or doing things?
Does he get upset when he doesn’t get his way?
Does he have few real friends of his own?
Has he made your friends his friends?
Does he contradict himself? And if you point it out, he justifies it rather than admitting to it?
Does he threaten to break up if you are not agreeing with what he wants?
When he is upset about something you said or did, instead of criticizing that behavior, does he criticize you? (Instead of "that was a stupid thing to do," he says, "You are stupid for doing that")
Are you expected to forgive him for anything he does?
But he doesn't forgive you, he keeps reminding you about 'bad' things you have done?
Are you afraid to break up with him because you feel you need him, that things would be so bad without him?
Are you afraid of him?
Does he reveal things about you to others but you dare not reveal stuff about him?
Does he have a quick temper, that he loses for very little reason?
Does his temper disappear as quickly as it appears and you are left an emotional wreck and he acts like nothing happened?
Does he talk to you with contempt, as if you were an inferior being?
Does he shout, swear, call you names, insult you?
Has anyone mentioned that your boyfriend may be a narcissist, a psychopath or a sociopath, or have you considered it?
Have your friends or family told you that they don't like your boyfriend or that he may be controlling but you ignored it because you were so enamored with him?
You can read more detailed explanation about many of these points in signs your partner is controlling.
You may also be interested in how to recognize a psychopath, the details of the dynamics in a relationship with a narcissistic boyfriend, stages of an abusive relationship and how to leave an abusive relationship.
Would you like to talk to someone about your situation?
If you think you are or have been in a cult or a destructive relationship, or a friend or family member might be in a cult and you want to talk to someone, send me a message on the Contact page and we can arrange to talk. All communication will be treated in the strictest confidence.
You have the theory but how do you actually apply it? This book spells it out...
Do you think that you might be in an abusive relationship? Are you realizing that the group you are in may be a cult?
Do you think you are being taken advantage of emotionally, physically, sexually or financially in your relationship? Do you want to leave but you can't seem to get away?
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