My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath

My son was dating a young girl. The relationship was troubled. He worked with a woman who made friends with him. He admired the friend. She told him how she had broken her back and learned to walk again. Her fiancé dumped her. Her current boyfriend was not nice and stealing from her and his family didn't even speak to her. He was supposed to marry her but wasn't going to. Poor, poor her. He confided in her and after she time convinced our son to leave his girlfriend and he moved himself and his daughter back home with us to get on his feet and save some money. We did not know she was behind it. We thought he was making the decision.

Six months after he moved back we were going on a family holiday. The night before we left he went on a date. That morning we are waiting and waiting for him so we can leave. We wait and wait and he finally shows up and she drives him. I say nothing but she is just smiling. Weird.

They start to date. We start to notice a change. She is giving him gifts. TV, clothes. Lots of gifts for his daughter. He starts to change. His appearance. His activities. He stops his volunteer work. He stops playing sports. He stops spending time with his friends.

Then she starts staying with him. She starts telling him that we his parents are doing things behind his back. That he isn't making his decisions. Every time there is a family function she finds a way to make it a big fight but she sits back and watches it happen.

She leaves and goes home for weeks and comes back. To make him really miss her. Then when things get tense she leaves again. She makes changes in schedules constantly so family time becomes missed or impossible. If she gets cornered into being there she makes it look like the family don't like her and becomes a victim.

After a big family fight during a family annual gathering our son was so mad at everyone because of his poor girlfriend that he and his daughter moved out. Two years has passed. She faked a stroke so she can't work. He completely supports her. She controls everyone. We never, ever see our son or grand daughter without her present. She controls all activity. She said if he didn't want to be with her he wouldn't do it.

Our son is not the same person. His whole appearance, belief system and personality have changed. We and all of his extended family do not see him.

They are engaged and planning to move seven hours away. We will never see our son or granddaughter that we helped raise for eight years.

People say: He is an adult and can choose his own life. I get it. But he is not the same person. He has been a victim of mind control.

I need to know how to reach him? She had his phone monitored and a tracker on it.

Help?

Comments for My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath

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Not an easy situation
by: David

Hello,

This is a complicated situation. When people tell you that he is an adult and can choose, they do not understand mind control. This is one of the myths of mind control. As you well know, he is not making his own decisons.

It's important for you to learn about mind control and pseudopersonalities so that you can learn how to introduce information to your son in such a way that he can accept the information and begin to think for himself again.

There are many aspects to cover here and it would be better if you contacted me on the contact page and I can make more specific recommendations for you.

David.

disaster
by: Anonymous

My son married a psychopath. He was married to her for 11 years. Took his own life to save his little boy.

How sad.
by: David

Sad, but all too common.

Terrified of upcoming marriage of my son and a psychopathic woman
by: Anonymous

I am at the wall of grief. When parents and extended family members see the cruel and unwarranted comments and behavior of a psychopathic narcissist and cannot do a thing about it, it is torture. My son is bright, creative, loving and always has been his own man but he does socially please. He has been with this woman almost 5 years which has been hell for the rest of us but he is dedicated to let her be crazy regardless of how she hurts the rest of us. I guess I am writing this to let off steam but I know I have no power in this union which will happen in two weeks time. Where do I begin? She insults her future in laws, us, at every whim, and because she has an innate competitive edge she uses that to undermine and manipulate passively and actively. Now she talks trash about us to other family members through texts and they are shocked. We are probably one of the most loving, intelligent, compassionate forgiving and understanding people around, and we are health practitioners so we have that nature bred in us. She defiles our family, tries to separate our son from all of us, and went so far to speak unforgiveness ( her perception) because we cannot attend their faraway wedding destination. All of us have reasons, finances, health, etc but because of her my son has no power over having the wedding in a place that a very large family can attend. Her issues are to spend and glorify her life using her enabling mother's money which she depends on. She is not motivated to work, stays at home with her cats when she does not go out to pamper herself. Her control over our son who she fights constantly with, is beyond our belief. I know about choice especially in a grown man in his forties, but it is terrifying to see in our vision, the end of this arrangement.

It's worth pushing
by: David

It's a mistake to think that this is your son's choice. He may be an adult but when there is mind control involved, he is not actually making his own decisions.

I think it would be sensible, considering you only have two weeks, to make as much noise to him as possible about what she is and what a mistake it is to marry her.

But you have to approach it from the point of view of pointing out the nature and techniques of mind control, not just criticizing her. People in his position cannot actually see what is going on and you need to spell it out to him, one step at at time. You can't assume that he will get hints or that he can put two and two together to get four. You have to do that for him.

My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath
by: Anonymous

Thank you David. I have reached out to him multiple times, pointing out the erratic uncalled for behavior on many occasions. This last email to him I sent with my husbands okay, edited carefully, 6 days ago -- he has not responded from. It almost feels like he is chained to a wall. I do know a lot about mind control, studied it and read about the origins and techniques and dangers and a man in love/lust will be blinded. At least that is our impression because he always says "I know" yet he finds ways to uplift her to us. He even went so far as to ask us to forgive her on the first round 5 yrs ago when she screamed into the phone and insulted us out of the blue. My husband was right there listening in to the speaker phone. Further, I send crazy texts to my two sisters who view them as well, so we are all on the same page. I must add one more thing. Her brother has 7 missing genes on his 15th DNA chain so he is incapable of living his own life and they traced the genetic anomaly to the father who abandoned them at a early age. Aside from her hate for her father, she may have very well some of that genetic distortion. What has developed is a superior entitlement that has moved into the narcissistic category. She manipulates her own mother severely, an overworked workaholic tired woman who has reached retirement age but doesn't dare yet looking at her daughter I presume. Are all narcissists lazy? or are they over ambitious? Because she wants to be a Prima Donna, not lifting a finger to work. She is 35 yrs old and it is shameful. My stomach is in knots for this wedding coming up.

Would you like to chat?
by: David

Thanks for responding.

The trick here is not to just engage at the level of the content but to go after the beliefs and phobias that are behind what he says.

If you would like to chat, please contact me via the contact page and we can organize something. Chatting would be much more effective than sending messages here!

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