My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath

My son was dating a young girl. The relationship was troubled. He worked with a woman who made friends with him. He admired the friend. She told him how she had broken her back and learned to walk again. Her fiancé dumped her. Her current boyfriend was not nice and stealing from her and his family didn't even speak to her. He was supposed to marry her but wasn't going to. Poor, poor her. He confided in her and after she time convinced our son to leave his girlfriend and he moved himself and his daughter back home with us to get on his feet and save some money. We did not know she was behind it. We thought he was making the decision.

Six months after he moved back we were going on a family holiday. The night before we left he went on a date. That morning we are waiting and waiting for him so we can leave. We wait and wait and he finally shows up and she drives him. I say nothing but she is just smiling. Weird.

They start to date. We start to notice a change. She is giving him gifts. TV, clothes. Lots of gifts for his daughter. He starts to change. His appearance. His activities. He stops his volunteer work. He stops playing sports. He stops spending time with his friends.

Then she starts staying with him. She starts telling him that we his parents are doing things behind his back. That he isn't making his decisions. Every time there is a family function she finds a way to make it a big fight but she sits back and watches it happen.

She leaves and goes home for weeks and comes back. To make him really miss her. Then when things get tense she leaves again. She makes changes in schedules constantly so family time becomes missed or impossible. If she gets cornered into being there she makes it look like the family don't like her and becomes a victim.

After a big family fight during a family annual gathering our son was so mad at everyone because of his poor girlfriend that he and his daughter moved out. Two years has passed. She faked a stroke so she can't work. He completely supports her. She controls everyone. We never, ever see our son or grand daughter without her present. She controls all activity. She said if he didn't want to be with her he wouldn't do it.

Our son is not the same person. His whole appearance, belief system and personality have changed. We and all of his extended family do not see him.

They are engaged and planning to move seven hours away. We will never see our son or granddaughter that we helped raise for eight years.

People say: He is an adult and can choose his own life. I get it. But he is not the same person. He has been a victim of mind control.

I need to know how to reach him? She had his phone monitored and a tracker on it.

Help?

Comments for My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath

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Not an easy situation
by: David

Hello,

This is a complicated situation. When people tell you that he is an adult and can choose, they do not understand mind control. This is one of the myths of mind control. As you well know, he is not making his own decisons.

It's important for you to learn about mind control and pseudopersonalities so that you can learn how to introduce information to your son in such a way that he can accept the information and begin to think for himself again.

There are many aspects to cover here and it would be better if you contacted me on the contact page and I can make more specific recommendations for you.

David.

disaster
by: Anonymous

My son married a psychopath. He was married to her for 11 years. Took his own life to save his little boy.

How sad.
by: David

Sad, but all too common.

Terrified of upcoming marriage of my son and a psychopathic woman
by: Anonymous

I am at the wall of grief. When parents and extended family members see the cruel and unwarranted comments and behavior of a psychopathic narcissist and cannot do a thing about it, it is torture. My son is bright, creative, loving and always has been his own man but he does socially please. He has been with this woman almost 5 years which has been hell for the rest of us but he is dedicated to let her be crazy regardless of how she hurts the rest of us. I guess I am writing this to let off steam but I know I have no power in this union which will happen in two weeks time. Where do I begin? She insults her future in laws, us, at every whim, and because she has an innate competitive edge she uses that to undermine and manipulate passively and actively. Now she talks trash about us to other family members through texts and they are shocked. We are probably one of the most loving, intelligent, compassionate forgiving and understanding people around, and we are health practitioners so we have that nature bred in us. She defiles our family, tries to separate our son from all of us, and went so far to speak unforgiveness ( her perception) because we cannot attend their faraway wedding destination. All of us have reasons, finances, health, etc but because of her my son has no power over having the wedding in a place that a very large family can attend. Her issues are to spend and glorify her life using her enabling mother's money which she depends on. She is not motivated to work, stays at home with her cats when she does not go out to pamper herself. Her control over our son who she fights constantly with, is beyond our belief. I know about choice especially in a grown man in his forties, but it is terrifying to see in our vision, the end of this arrangement.

It's worth pushing
by: David

It's a mistake to think that this is your son's choice. He may be an adult but when there is mind control involved, he is not actually making his own decisions.

I think it would be sensible, considering you only have two weeks, to make as much noise to him as possible about what she is and what a mistake it is to marry her.

But you have to approach it from the point of view of pointing out the nature and techniques of mind control, not just criticizing her. People in his position cannot actually see what is going on and you need to spell it out to him, one step at at time. You can't assume that he will get hints or that he can put two and two together to get four. You have to do that for him.

My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath
by: Anonymous

Thank you David. I have reached out to him multiple times, pointing out the erratic uncalled for behavior on many occasions. This last email to him I sent with my husbands okay, edited carefully, 6 days ago -- he has not responded from. It almost feels like he is chained to a wall. I do know a lot about mind control, studied it and read about the origins and techniques and dangers and a man in love/lust will be blinded. At least that is our impression because he always says "I know" yet he finds ways to uplift her to us. He even went so far as to ask us to forgive her on the first round 5 yrs ago when she screamed into the phone and insulted us out of the blue. My husband was right there listening in to the speaker phone. Further, I send crazy texts to my two sisters who view them as well, so we are all on the same page. I must add one more thing. Her brother has 7 missing genes on his 15th DNA chain so he is incapable of living his own life and they traced the genetic anomaly to the father who abandoned them at a early age. Aside from her hate for her father, she may have very well some of that genetic distortion. What has developed is a superior entitlement that has moved into the narcissistic category. She manipulates her own mother severely, an overworked workaholic tired woman who has reached retirement age but doesn't dare yet looking at her daughter I presume. Are all narcissists lazy? or are they over ambitious? Because she wants to be a Prima Donna, not lifting a finger to work. She is 35 yrs old and it is shameful. My stomach is in knots for this wedding coming up.

Would you like to chat?
by: David

Thanks for responding.

The trick here is not to just engage at the level of the content but to go after the beliefs and phobias that are behind what he says.

If you would like to chat, please contact me via the contact page and we can organize something. Chatting would be much more effective than sending messages here!

Help
by: Anonymous

My son met a woman on line, sadly he had just had a break up a week prior and he was rebounding , he met her and with in a month moved in with her an her son . the 4 times I met her all I heard about was how her family was horrible to her, her sons father. At this time she was living with her mother and just bought a house yet she told us she leavea her mother in soiled diapers in her old age .

I was shocked to hear that she told my sons ex to go kill herself, the world would be a better place.

Once my son moved in she made the statement 'you wont see your son again!' and started to tell horrible lies about us. Within 3 months he was engaged. We found out she got pregnant and this is why he married her. She lost the pregnancy. Next after 4 months married and now pregnant again at 1 year in, she texts me horrible texts, telling me how horrible I am and I won't ever see my son or any grandkids.

Our family was very close and this has hurt us all deeply. I have reached out and twice he reached back and then it was shut down. Please help with any advice. We have nothing against any one. We just want to be a part of our son's life. We miss him deeply

Hi there
by: David

It's best to contact me through the contact page if you want to have a conversation. Your situation is complicated and writing responses on this page is not really the best way to deal with it.

ME TOO!
by: Anonymous

My son and DIL have been together since high school. They were married on their tenth anniversary (together 13 years now). From nearly the beginning, I have told or warned my son about her. I knew something was "different" about her. She always tried to control situations, would usually always speak for my son, and, other than the day his son was born, I don't recall when I last saw him TRULY happy. They need to suddenly leave another state claiming abuse of sorts from her mother and reluctantly I allowed them to come to my home (only because of my son and grandson), and in 4 months, somehow I became this evil woman after she had an argument with my 14 year old. They left immediately - but not before I confronted her with her accusation (I pointed out how she couldn't even look me in the face), and she threatened that I would never see my grandson again. My son stood right by her side and never said one word. It's like he is her puppet. She has held strong and I have not heard from my son or been allowed to even see photos of my now two year old ONLY grandchild. She has gone as far as telling my two, at home, young children they can't screen shot the snapchat photos of him she sends. I had to put a stop to even them seeing him, now, and it is really hard. I don't know what to do or how to get through to him as she checks all of his emails, phone records, mail, etc.

Helpless and petrified that my son has met a Jodi Arias
by: Anonymous

I don't know when this was written, but it is happening in my family. I have been in such doubt because it has been slow and insidious, and everyone not having a reference that this can happen to a man. If I was talking about my daughter, everyone would be up in arms and intervening. This is painful. And it's turned our world upside down. We were one way with a trajectory for 32 years and then it literally turned up side down. A wedge has been placed between people and his work and his sense of self and his health. He's gained so much weight and she keeps plying him with bad food but watches how much she eats. He is no longer creative or follows his hobbies. She's pushed all of his closest friends away. I am petrified and scared. I worry about a Jodi Arias situation. My heart aches. All of his friends and family have contacted me to ask what is happening. She has convinced him that they never had his back.

Enlist help
by: David

In situations like this it helps it often helps for people other than family members to give the victim information.

If you can get the likes of workmates, new friends or even distant relatives involved, they can become contacts for the victim and they can be taught what to say and how to say it, or to provide reading or viewing material for the victim.

It's also worth working with an expert to find specific solutions for your particular situation.

similar situation
by: Anonymous

I'm in a similar situation. my 30-year-old son has just returned to his narcissistic girlfriend for the 3rd time. She has managed again to convince him that if HE was different then the relationship between them will work, she is taking no responsivity herself.
My son and I used to be really good friend, now he thinks I'm the baddie and she can do nothing wrong. I have supported him each time he left her but this time ive had enough, i wont be around to pick up the pieces again.
He tells me each time he leaves her how bad she makes his life, he thinks now that i should be happy for him.
I was brought up by a narcissistic mother so I know how these people work and so does my son as he has never been accepted by the family.

Such things are very difficult
by: David

The only thing that I can suggest is that when he leaves again that you tell him that he needs to learn about mind control and manipulators so that he gets rid of that pseudopersonality once and for all. That would allow him to get away from her altogether and not go back.

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My son is marrying a narcissistic psychopath